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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24164746">agnus dei</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/calarinanis/pseuds/calarinanis'>calarinanis</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Last Kingdom (TV), The Warrior Chronicles | The Saxon Stories - Bernard Cornwell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Compliant, Gen, Hild POV, Minor Hild/Uhtred of Bebbanburg</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 21:15:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>874</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24164746</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/calarinanis/pseuds/calarinanis</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Abbess Hild had given up her days as a warrior and yet seeing Uhtred of Bebbanburg reminded her how much she missed them.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hild &amp; Uhtred of Bebbanburg</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>agnus dei</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>To be an Abbess was an honourable and worthy path, one that Hild had longed for since first joining her sisters. To serve God in such a way was the greatest thing she could ever hope to achieve within her lifetime. </p><p> </p><p>Yet, seeing Uhtred again after such a long time had stirred up feelings she thought she had moved past.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Hild, join me.” He had said looking at her with those piercing blue eyes. He had a smirk upon his face, knowing she would struggle to refuse him. “I am reclaiming my home in Bebbanburg.” </em></p><p> </p><p>She had refused of course as per her duty to the nunnery. It was a gentle refusal laced with a wistfulness she was sure Uhtred recognised, but it was a refusal nonetheless despite the excitement creeping into her heart. </p><p> </p><p><em> “My fighting days are over, Uhtred. </em> ” <em> She said as she dampened down her feelings. “I have found peace with God now.” </em></p><p> </p><p>That had not been a lie, truly she felt a sense of contentment as the Abbess. She felt a peace upon her shoulders in the hands of God but that did not mean she had forgotten all of the things she had once shared with Uhtred. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “I have always said you are too good a woman for God alone.” His lips curved into a smile as he embraced her with the finality of goodbye. His hands wandered slightly but she could forgive his impertinence. She could forgive anything he did.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “I will miss you, Uhtred, but I wish you good fortune. Know that my prayers are with you, always.” Hild felt pangs of sadness slip into her body as she bid him farewell. “My pagan lord.” Her soft eyes twinkled.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “My warrior abbess.” He climbed upon his horse and waved her goodbye, his silver arm rings glinting in the sunlight. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She did not shed a single tear until that night when she was alone in the darkness. She crept down from her bed onto her knees and prayed for the strength to overcome the feelings she had not experienced in a long time. </p><p> </p><p>She craved the adventure that Uhtred brought with him. She craved the glory of being part of the taking back of Bebbanburg, a sin for which she sought forgiveness. She craved the thrill of battle and bloodlust, something which she had buried deep within herself. Most sinful, the one she would never confess to anyone save Father Beocca, she craved the comfort of sleeping next to Uhtred safe in the knowledge he would protect her. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “God, I pray to you to keep Lord Uhtred safe and well. I pray he accomplishes what he has set out to do.” Hild had prayed repeatedly after he had left, ignoring the aches beginning in her knees. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>It was a way to disguise the turmoil within her heart.</p><p> </p><p>She missed Uhtred and he had only just left. She missed the wild adrenaline of wielding a sword and wearing armour and winning battles. She missed Finan the Irishman with his lighthearted humour, Sihtric the Dane with his quiet wit and even Osferth the Monk who had proved himself time and time again. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Father Beocca, where are you going in such a hurry?” Hild asked him as he rushed past her, a sack clutched to his back. “Has something happened?” Her mind had jumped to the terrible possibilities that could have occurred and all included Uhtred. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Beocca stopped. “Hild.” He had not even seen her. “I have decided to join Uhtred. Bebbanburg is his home and it was once mine as well.” He babbled quickly, his mind racing ahead of his body. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “That is wonderful news.” Hild had said despite desperately wanting to join him. “I will pray for your safety as well.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>And, she had prayed for three days after his departure. She had prayed for his safety, for Uhtred and his men’s safety and for God to remind her with his wisdom why she had chosen to become an Abbess. She ate and drank nothing save the body and blood of Christ, hoping that this would help her to focus her mind upon God. </p><p> </p><p>The painful hunger had helped to calm her mind. The thirst had helped to strengthen her soul. The bruises on her knees had helped to remind her of her dedication to God. She would overcome these feelings.  </p><p> </p><p>Several days later, she had settled back into her life.</p><p> </p><p>A godly life, a good life which she would spend caring for all those who needed her help. She would look after the nunnery, teach her novices so they would be patient and intelligent young women. She would devote her life to God and be thankful for the life she had been blessed to lead. </p><p> </p><p>It did not mean she would ever forget Uhtred and the safety she felt when with him.</p><p> </p><p>It did not mean she would forget the exhilaration of being a warrior.</p><p> </p><p>It did not mean she would forget the great adventures of which she had been a part. </p><p> </p><p>And should she ever need to pick up her discarded sword or don the chainmail kept in the corner, she would be ready. </p><p> </p><p>For God, for Wessex and for Uhtred. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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